Motherhood

Here is about the best picture I can get lately from this child who does not stop moving!

I have been thinking a lot lately about being a mother. Before becoming a mother I was so cocky and thought that I would be the best mother, that it would be easy and that all other mothers make it out to be too hard. Boy, have I had a reality check lately. It is actually by far the hardest thing I have ever done. The feeling of responsibility alone is one of the hardest things for me. Some days I do not feel worthy of such a calling and do not feel like I am doing a good enough job. Having to leave him while I go to work and trying to entertain him somehow while I do homework makes me feel guilty. I just have to remind myself that I am doing these things for him so we can be financially stable and provide a good home, neighborhood, and the things in life that he will want and benefit from. In another thought, I always thought I was a patient person. That was one of the big qualities that has helped me be a good nurse. I have all the patience in the world at work and everyone tells me that, but I have had the hardest time lately being patient at home. Why is this? Isn't the most important to be loving and patient to your own family at home? I think that it is the feeling of responsibility for me that make me lose patience. I want so much for Dylan to be a good, smart kid and do what he is told and eat good food and have good sleeping habits. When Dylan does not do these things I feel I am not doing a good job and I get frustrated and then impatient. So how I can I fix this? I have many ideas and ways that I think I could help myself and my family, but I would really like some input from my blogging pals out there. Sometimes outsiders looking in can give different perspectives and insights to things, so I am requesting some great ideas and look forward to reading them. Thanks in advance!